Big Year For Chimera Research

The head of the shadowy organization used by both the federal government and mainstream media to promote things that aren’t there says business is booming and partners can expect a record year.

William O.T. Wisp, CEO of Chimera Research, says the company that only lists “somewhere” as an address in IRS filings looks on the first three quarters of 2009 with pride and not incidentally profit.

Asked to highlight some of the current projects, Wisp immediately turned to Iran’s nuclear bomb project. “That’s one we can put in the trophy case,” he said, adding “the same team that delivered Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction intelligence is rightfully proud of the payoffs starting to come in from their work on the Iran project.”

Told that it turned out Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction and that Iran may be just developing peaceful atomic energy as it claims, Wisp chided “Do your homework before interviews, Son. Confusing reality with policy is a sure sign of a beginner.”

Asked for an example, an obviously pained Wisp paused a moment before steeling himself to deal on the dense side. “Do you remember the death panels that were part of the Obama administration’s health care reform package?” he asked.

“Well, yes, but they never existed,” this reporter said to which Wisp shot back “Aha! You said you remember them! And the fact that you do remember them is testimony to how Chimera Research does its job, is it not?”

“Unless, of course,” Wisp added “you want the word to get around that you’re remembering things that never existed.”

Wisp denied allegations that the whole death panel flap was GOP-designed to allow Republicans to score home-base political points and at the same time supply a national media addicted to conflict. “That’s just too simple, Son ,” he said, explaining that the Democrats had actually funded Chimera’s work on death panels, knowing Republicans would embrace them and the media would drool at the Pavlovian conflict bell.

Asked if the media itself, caught in the throes of plummeting advertising revenues and declining subscribers, might not be around much longer, Wisp laughed and said “that’s another one of our better efforts.”

He explained that the Chimera campaign on disintegrating mainstream media had resulted in talk of a federal bailout for an industry that has seen gross profit margins of 20 percent or more plummet to the low teens or even high single digits, “stuff that many another company would be right proud to take home to Mama, let me tell you.”

Wisp declined to put numbers on Wisp’s performance, explaining that as a privately held company there was no requirement to do so, “but you can certainly think what we want you to think – that’s the Chimera way.”

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