Weekend Tids and Bits

A Man Who Sticks to his principles, even if they are principles of studied ignorance, stands apart and Republican Sen. Jim Inhofe of Oklahoma has certainly established his credential as a stand-apart guy. This week the Express-Star reports Sen. Inhofe told residents of Chickasha, OK about his stand on the health reform bill: “I don't have to read it, or know what's in it. I'm going to oppose it anyways.” For those not as adept at clairvoyance as the senator, the text of the House bill on health care reform is available here.

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Another Stunning Revelation From the British Press rocked the world this week when the Telegraph warned its readers that those who advertise their coming vacations on Facebook or Twitter are inviting burglars, and perhaps higher home insurance rates. Check it out here. While there is yet no official confirmation, other investigative reporters in the United Kingdom are in pursuit of a story saying running about uncovered in the sunshine produces sunburn.

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Journalism Unmatched In Depth has long been the hallmark of the New York Times, which in the same issue explores the problems at the Post Office (losing money to the internet) and offers a novel use for postage stamps. The Post Office article notes that the service is running a $ 7 billion deficit and watching mail volume plummet but says officials are hoping for a rebound. Another article advises men worried about the first amorous bound, never mind the rebound, to perform a night-time personal equipment test involving four or more postage stamps wrapped in a ring around the test object before bedtime. If, in the morning, the stamps have torn along the perforations. . .well, never mind, but you can get the details here.

LAST WEEK’S LESSONS:

· Swami Yami of Summit, NJ made a series of predictions about the end of August that turned out so badly the Swami is considering a career as an economist with the government, where his batting average looks not bad at all. It here: http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/08/swami-yami-predicts-end-of-august-is.html

· Health Reform rumors are being so consistently debunked by the media that reported them in the first place that as a public service, we rebunked a batch of rumors just to keep a level playing field. They’re here at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/08/health-reform-rumors-rebunked-advocates.html

· Tiny Rhode Island offer an example of how to succeed more by trying less, giving birth to the Rhode Island Rule at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/08/hope-from-rhode-island-hope-is-rhode.html

· Senator Edward M. Kennedy was a giant of a man who can’t be understood and shouldn’t be mourned only by moral mice. See http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/08/last-man-standing-senator-edward-m.html

· Worthy Competitors Salute a fallen foe, and then there’s the Republican National Committee, which ain’t got no class at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/08/gop-aint-got-no-class-republican-party.html

Have a great weekend!

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GOP AIN’T GOT NO CLASS

The Republican Party this week finally solved an ages-old question about the difference between modern Republicans and Democrats, making it easy at last for ordinary folk to spot the difference.

The Republican Party ain’t got no class.

Zero.

Zippo.

Now it’s easy to pick on a group that has long defined “class” as a synonym of “us.” So to a Republican, someone without class was someone who was a “not us.” You know, the sort of folk who got sweaty when they worked and not when they played.

That made them quite different in Republican eyes from the reputable sorts who sweated torrents on the tennis courts and not a drop when they signed layoffs for a few thousand families two days before Christmas. Business, after all is business.

Well, yes, it is.

And cheap, no-account, low-class behavior is cheap, no-account, low-class behavior. The kind that would get you shunned on any street corner, and even – maybe, just maybe – the subject of an archly raised eyebrow at the club.

But let’s not get too graphic.

When Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy finally lost a hand in the game of Showdown he’s played with brain cancer for more than a year, the website of the Democratic National Committee had a tribute.

Expected, after all. Kennedy championed Democratic causes for almost a half-century. The White House had kind words – not a surprise on the passing of a man whose endorsement may have given the current renter the final edge.

And Sarah Palin and Mitt Romney and John McCain had words of respect. So did Newt Gingrich. And so did Former President George W. Bush, his dad, Former President George H.W. Bush , Nancy Reagan, and even, apparently speaking for himself and taking care to say “I” and “my” as he offered condolences, Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.

Those good folk saluted a fallen friend and a fallen ideological foe – never mind that he was on the other side, he had fought the good fight and those who do that recognize it in friend and foe alike.

But then there’s the Republican National Committee, the official voice of the Republican Party.

What statement did the RNC make on its website on Wednesday, August 26, 2009, when news of Sen. Ted Kennedy’s passing flowed across the country with the morning sun?

Well, they issued a statement honoring Women’s Equality Day.

And if by late Thursday evening they had said anything else, I couldn’t find it.

Nor could I find any indication that the party of Ronald Reagan had become anything other than a collection of the small-minded and mean-spirited – folks who ain’t got no class.

Maybe the folks who still do and yet call themselves Republicans ought to start wondering about the company they keep.

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Last Man Standing

Senator Edward M. Kennedy died late Tuesday at 77, and by Wednesday noon the political analysts were circling.

The analysts’ raucous calls about Kennedy’s triumphs and failures were promptly echoed by the scurrying journalistic beetles so committed to “objectivity” and “balance” that they must match someone saying “Today is Thursday” with someone who thinks it’s Friday.

For every quote saying the nation and world had lost a great man, there were quotes about his great appetites. His great love for food, drink, women, friendship and song sometimes embarrassed him with the chattering class.

Well, Tsk!

Let’s do an experiment. Doing an experiment makes something scientific, and the chattering class certainly prefers scientific. Much tidier when compared to plain old living.

Round up 77 men who are 77 years old. Shouldn’t be hard – just wander through a senior center saying “Free drugs and medical care – follow me!” Lead them to a hotel.

When you’ve got your 77 geezers in the hotel, put them in a room and tell them you were just kidding about the free drugs and medical care. They won’t be upset. They’ve been kidded about free drugs and medical care for years.

Now tell them that you’re running a scientific experiment, which always gives outrageous demands a Sunday suit of legitimacy. Announce “All of you who ever flirted or had sex with someone other than your spouse, please leave the room.”

You might consider adding admonitions to do so slowly – crowd control, right?

When that dust clears, say “All those who ever had too much to drink and embarrassed themselves or others please leave the room.”

That should thin things considerably, and you can finish the sweep with the demand “Now anyone who ate to overweight, sang off key and defended friends even when they were wrong leave the room.”

You’ll be alone in that room if all the ones who started in it are honest. As they mill around in the hallway outside, tell them this:

“Most men grab what they can from life, sometimes more than they should. But what makes a real man isn’t the grabbing alone – it’s the work, the building, the giving of yourself when you don’t have to.

“So tell you what – any of you who have supported voting rights, fair housing, civil rights, workplace rights, the rights of the little guy in a big guy’s world, any of you who have done so for 47 years in spite of your weaknesses, please come back into the room.”

You’ll still be alone. Senator Ted Kennedy had no equals. If he were in that room, he’d be the last man standing. Tell them so: “Well, I guess no one here is like Senator Kennedy.”

Then tell them in the loudest voice you can muster, “Friends, a great man has passed from us and we need to raise a glass to the man that he was and to the future he hoped would be. Who knows the way to the bar? I’m buying the first one!”

Be sure to be the last man standing when it’s over.

Then lift one more for him.

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Hope from Rhode Island

“Hope” is Rhode Island’s state motto and if it follows through on a recent cost-cutting action, it’s hope the rest of us might try. The Associated Press says Gov. Don Carcieri plans to shut down state government for twelve days over the course of a year, police and other essential services excepted.

The idea is probably to save the money or to stake out a bargaining position with state employee unions, but it has attraction beyond tiny Rhode Island’s 1,545 square miles, 500 of which are water anyway.

We’ll call it The Rhode Island Rule: Succeed more – Try Less.

This is an idea so simple that even unrecovered politicians might grasp it. If governing costs more than the governed want to pay, govern less.

Suppose your state’s cost for prisons is skyrocketing, with police and courts generating a growing stream of convicts. The obvious solution is less convicts. If you make state prosecutors and courts take unpaid time off, they’ll generate fewer convicts. Credit the Rhode Island Rule.

Or maybe your state’s motor vehicle agency generates 1,000 complaints every day it is open. People complain about lazy clerks, incomprehensible instructions and endless lines. If it is open five days a week now and you reduce that to three, you will have reduced citizen complaints about the motor vehicle agency forty percent, not to mention operating costs. Credit the Rhode Island Rule.

The Rhode Island Rule is a real celebration of bringing the cost of anything back on a level of ability or interest in paying. A school district complaining that many students drop out before completing high school diplomas can solve that problem just by reducing the number of years required. No fancy remedial programs, expensive teachers or tax hikes needed. Credit the Rhode Island Rule.

Applications of the Rhode Island Rule on the federal level are endless. China, for example, has a record of ignoring U.S. human rights requests. If the Obama administration makes fewer human rights requests, it is perfectly entitled to issue a press release saying “China Ignores Fewer Administration Human Rights Requests.” Credit the Rhode Island Rule.

There are even sure-fire applications in personal life. Suppose over the course of a 365-day year your spouse responds to your amorous overtures with 359 migraines, leaving you feel like a loser. Just limit getting frisky to six times a year and you’re batting 100 percent, you big old heartthrob. Credit the Rhode Island Rule.

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Health-Reform Rumors Rebunked

Advocates and opponents of health care reform have spent so much time shooting down perfectly good rumors that a spirit of public service compels highlighting the ones they missed and the ones they only wounded.

As a bonus, a few rumors have been raised from the dead, a service not covered by any of the proposals now before the Congress of The United States, which just supports the argument for private health practice, where the patients may die but the bills live on.

The rumors:

· Pulling The Plug On Granny Death Panels aren’t part of any health reform proposal known to date, but just because Granny gets a pass doesn’t mean Grandpa should make long-term plans. Since men dies sooner than women, this could be an Obama administration ploy to generate Senior Sayonara Savings without even having to convene a panel.

· A National Medical Records Database will be supported by user contributions, but also available free to those who don’t mind their nude medical photos being posted on line, which will also be the fate of users behind on their voluntary contributions. Repeat offenders will have their photos e-mailed to their junior-high first loves.

· Health Reform Funding will include replacing almost-annual COLA (cost of living adjustment) Social Security benefit increases with annual ALOCs (arbitrary lasting obnoxious cuts), plus Medicare Part DOA, which reduces available benefits by ten percent for every year lived past median death ages.

· Public Health Insurance will be available to those unable or unwilling to participate in the nation’s private health insurance system. This will bring to poor people and illegal immigrants mostly the same health benefits now enjoyed by federal government employees, the only difference being the poor people and illegal immigrants will have to work.

· Increasing Taxes On The Wealthiest taxpayers to pay for health care reform will be a non-starter, since anyone can see the inequality in forcing a rich person to raise the portion of income they spend on health care from .001 percent to .002, while non-rich sluggards keep their health-care spending flat at 30 percent of income.

· Republican Health Care Reform Proposals will cater to their Red State base and include special genetic counseling services for brothers and sisters who are also each other’s cousins and aim to keep bloodlines pure.

· Abortion Funding in some Republican proposals would be limited to those pregnancies resulting from rape, incest or working for a Member of Congress. This is in marked contrast to liberal Democrat proposals to make the funds available to anyone screwed by the federal government.

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Swami Yami Predicts

The end of August is the cruelest time, with nothing much happening now and lots looming a scant two weeks ahead.

Congress is in pursuit of what the House calls “District Work Period” and the Senate names “State Work Period,” most of which doesn’t seem to involve the District, State or Work.

Mainstream media have little to say but lots of time to fill saying it, which brings them to report that someone stole a Chihuahua wearing pink earrings from a gay bar in Florida. News reports didn’t explain whether it was news because the Chihuahua was wearing pink earrings, in a gay bar or about to become the SPCA Case of The Year.

So as a public service, I found and awakened Swami Yami, the noted seer of Summit, NJ, who doesn’t panhandle, but offers “mutually rewarding charitable experiences.” Ours involved a portrait of Andrew Jackson and an appreciation of Wild Irish Rose, but nonetheless, here are Swami Yami’s prediction for the rest of August and the first week of September.

PRESIDENT OBAMA will be photographed shirtless at least four times during his family’s stay at Martha’s Vineyard, prompting advisors to potential 2012 Republican candidate Mitt Romney to consider releasing a shot of Romney with an unbuttoned suit jacket.

HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI will threaten to be photographed shirtless four times unless conservative Democrats stop obstructing Health Care Reform.

THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER will reveal a group of United States Senators who are married, faithful to their wives, sober and hard at work for their constituents. Mainstream media will ignore an obvious hoax.

NEW JERSEY’S POLITICIANS will import ethics advisers from the ranks of paroled Illinois public officials, seeking to “increase public trust” according to one official, who also pointed out that as professionals, they needed to be aware of the latest techniques.

HEALTH CARE REFORM RUMORS will become even more bizarre, with some suggesting Republicans could actually endorse change not benefitting the wealthy, while a new study would show that although foreigners spend less and live longer than Americans, they feel guilty about it.

GOVERNMENT ENERGY POLICY will support replacing personal automobiles with runner-carried litters, thereby helping the environment, reducing dependence on foreign oil and making a serious dent in unemployment. Three Northeast Democratic Congressmen will not realize this is a joke and introduce an appropriate bill in mid-September.

ECONOMISTS WILL ANNOUNCE the end of the recession, the deepening of the recession and the unchanged recession, while also announcing the beginnings of recovery, a strong recovery and a continuing recovery. Persons who wonder who will benefit from these observations will be asked to check the unemployment rate among economists.

Asked if he had more predictions, Swami Yami asked if there were more Wild Irish Rose. Told that would be inflationary and that there’s no such thing as a free lunch, the Swami recommended a nearby dumpster in rebuttal and resumed his August doze.

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