Hell’s Hints, Dints and Dings

Satan was in a fine foul mood the other day, cursing his entourage with comments, observations and advice for various humans and their organizations. Festerous Pimple, our Hell correspondent, shares his notes here by topic.

GOLFERS:

·        Verify that it’s the correct hole before taking out club and balls.

·        Too much club can spoil SUV shots.

·        You’ve got to give out the real score eventually.

SECRET SERVICE:

·        Things are not always as they seem.

·        “Trust – but verify.”

·        If that’s the level of service, it should be secret.

UNITED STATES SENATE:

·        “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not.”  ~Mark Twain

·        That’s also the only way to pass Health Care Reform

MAINSTREAM MEDIA:

·        From flush times to flushing times.

MIKE HUCKABEE:

·        Pardon me?

MITT ROMNEY:

·        Batteries included.

SARAH PALIN:

·        Brains sold separately.

AL GORE:

·        Warmest wishes.

AFGHAN AGRICULTURE:

·        The Audacity of Dope

AFGHAN SURGE:

·        Dreams From My Predecessor

TEA PARTY:

·        Republicans serving neither tea nor party

LOU DOBBS:

·        CNN, CNBC, C-Me! C-Me!

PRESIDENT OBAMA’S NEXT CAMPAIGN SLOGAN:

·        No We Didn’t!

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