Baby Boomers:

Age of Aquarius

To Age of Oblivious

Millions of healthy young men reunited with millions of healthy young women after World War II, and the resulting Big Bang was called the Baby Boom.

When the demographic-busting Baby Boom generation got to its teen years, it grew long hair, donned funny clothes and dubbed itself the Age of Aquarius. The Age of Aquarius was a real pain in the you-know-what-ius to the grownups of the time, but the Baby Boomers blithely quipped “Never Trust Anyone Over 30” and partied on.

That lasted until Baby Boomers one day looked around and discovered that they themselves were over 30 – twice.

The Age of Aquarius has become the Age of Oblivious, since it’s finally obvious where we’re heading. Feet finally on the ground, the rest is in haste to follow, soon to become oblivious.

Like the Age of Aquarius, the Age of Oblivious has concerns about drugs, but the focus is a bit different. The generation that partied with The Pill and Uppers now buys Viagra and hopes for uppers.

And the only party with multiple partners turns out to be a bridge club.

Mind-altering drugs are no longer necessary as aging minds start to alter all by themselves. Worse, members of the Age of Oblivious discover that their corner drug connection doesn’t really stock stuff for hypertension, stroke prevention or diabetes, and won’t accept Medicare.

And the only time the Age of Oblivious hears the call of “Smoke…Smoke…” lately is when another member of the community center’s Seniors Cooking Class forgets to turn off the burner.

Once the object of marketing’s best efforts, Age of Oblivious folks still find themselves subject to sales pitches, but the topics have changed. Now, instead of being implored to buy acres of lakefront vacation property, they hear pitches for lots sold in three-by-six-foot parcels offering “excellent views.”

Seminars on “Investing In Real Estate” have morphed into seminars on “Estate Planning,” and instead of worrying about getting rich quick, the focus is on finding the bathroom quick. That’s the “If It Feels Good, Do It!” generation discovering that it no longer feels good, but you gotta do it anyway.

(It gives a whole new meaning to the Rolling Stones’ hit “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction,” although the generation that once smoked fiber has since discovered that eating it is more productive.)

There are positive points. The Age of Oblivious that once searched for its inner child has discovered that grandchildren are much more fun than inner children, since you both face a common enemy, the adults, who are constantly telling both of you to “Act your age!”

And you do get discounts of as much as 20 percent on movie tickets and such, which turns out to be only fair since that’s the part of the movie or show you generally sleep through.

Finally, you benefit from the wealth of a lifetime of experience, or, failing that, the wealth that can be obtained with a library of embarrassing pictures that you offer to give to your grandchildren or sell to their parents – their call.

You even have a solid answer if exasperated adult kids ask you why you’re acting this way. Just smile and say “It’s obvious – I’m oblivious.”

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