Oh, to be Young

(And Republican)

Young Republicans watching their party lurch from ineptitude to irrelevance with occasional side trips to WhoopeeLand might be tempted by Depression.

Not the kind their party caused (again), but the psychological kind that comes when you can’t win for losing.

After all, there’s a charismatic and intelligent Democrat in the White House, the Congress is controlled by the Democrats, and “accuse,” “indict” and “prosecute” seem to be the words that pop up most in discussions of the last Republican administration.

All of which is solid proof that it is a very wonderful time indeed to be Young and Republican.

Consider:

Most political parties, especially the Republicans, operate on principles that would be instantly recognized by any 15^th-century courtier. All power in the party (or society) flows from the top down. There are three ways to acquire power – favor, inheritance or force.

Favor works best when a retiring leader bestows a warm smile on a selected successor and the opposition nominates a garden gnome. That worked just fine for George H.W. Bush when President Ronald Reagan (on whose name be praise) smiled upon George and the Democrats nominated Michael Dukakis of Massachusetts.

Inheritance works when you’ve put in your time for a very long time and it’s just your turn, which is how Robert Dole got to be the Republican nominee against Bill Clinton and won the opportunity to star in Viagra promotions. It also worked for John McCain, the poster boy for continued mainstreaming of Americans with cognitive issues. Hey, he even ran for president!

Force works when members of society can think as they wish but understand clearly that they’d damned well better vote your way or else. Richard Nixon was a master. So, on the other side, was Richard J. Daley of Chicago, the first one, not his kid. Dick Cheney spoke for himself and for George W, Bush, his lips as immobile as their minds.

If you are a young and ambitious Republican and see leaders with any of those three characteristics at the top of your party, then you might as well marry a Democrat and have some fun because there’s an airtight lid on your advancement.

But no – Oh, Good Golly! or whatever young Republicans in ecstasy exclaim – the top is empty today and the open road for advancing Republican principles and at last getting a share of the loot beckons ahead.

Just look at the current contenders.

Mitt Romney was shrink-wrapped at birth, just as soon as his mother checked that there were no wrinkles in his dark suit and that nary a hair was out of place. He is the current favorite of the AE (Almost Embalmed) wing of the Republican party and fills in his time giving shock speeches to the likes of the Heritage Foundation and National Rifle Association in which he slyly mentions that it is the 21^st Century so his audience may gasp in shocked dismay.

Mike Huckabee is a preacher who lost a lot of weight, plays a mean bass guitar and served as governor of Arkansas with no other serious offenses – or accomplishments. He speaks on the Fox News Channel, but Jesus forgave even Mary Magdalene for having to earn a living.

Sarah Palin, former vice presidential nominee and soon-to-be former governor of Alaska by resigning mid-term, followed her resignation announcement by going fishing. Informed sources said she yearned for the intellectual company of equals and spawning salmon filled the need. She appeals to the base of the Republican party that focuses on one issue at a time on account of they don’t hold with all that high-falutin’ countin’ stuff nohow, you betcha.

There you have it, Young Republicans -- the road to opportunity is wide open. Can you walk? Talk? Chew Gum? And all at the same time? You could become a Rising Republican Star. Your destiny awaits – heed its call!

###