President’s School Speech

A Response From O.W.N.

(President Obama’s address to students today on the traditional First Day of School has drawn partisan criticism. A text was released on Labor Day Monday. As a public service, Larry Blasko said is offering this rebuttal from Cassus Mentis, a West Virginia subsistence farmer and national spokesman for O.W. N.)

You don’t know me but I O.W.N. you,.

Now anti-slavery folks shouldn’t get all fidgety over that O.W.N. name. It’s just a natural reaction to the Godless Media what has tarred all folks who don’t agree with ‘em as “wingnuts.”

That’s so unfair. Any damned fool who has seen a wingnut knows that it has a Left Wing and a Right Wing. O.W.N. folks don’t mind being called nuts, but they’re damned unhappy about being called “Wingnuts” because it lumps them in with those Left Wings. That’s what prompted them and other God-fearing-right-wing-only folk to start the O.W.N. party, proclaiming to all that while some may think us nuts, we were One Wing Nuts, and that wing sure wasn’t the left one.

But as Aunt Mabel used to tell us, “When it’s time to Do Your Business, squat right down,” so here’s what’s wrong with President Obama’s message to school kids:

· President Obama’s text told kids “. . .what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.” O.W.N. says who’s this President guy to be telling students about school? As the prophets of O.W.N. have said, you do your own time.

· “Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.” That’s what the President said, but O.W.N. doubts that he means it. Is he saying that if you decide to be a crack dealer, you want to be a committed crack dealer? (Full disclosure, as them media mipsies like to say. O.W.N. has some members who were committed on account of crack, but they’re coming up for parole now and let he among us who is without convicted sin. . .you get my (snow) drift?)

· President Obama’s text told kids “…don’t ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country.” Well now ain’t that just as uppity as anyone can get? It’s all about Me! Me! Me! in that world, and why can’t you give up on yourself and your country anyway? Is this President trying to limit our freedom to give up on ourselves? Looks like it to us.

· Finally, and Cousin My Darling Wife, this is the worstest of the worst, so brace yourself. This President said “So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make?”

For sheer gall, sheer gumption, don’t that take the cake? Here’s this President asking folks to do something that makes a difference, and as any good O.W.N. conservative knows, we don’t much like differences. Any old boy who starts to do something different had better look to his coon hounds, as the saying goes..

I mean, if we start to be responsible for our ownselves, where we gonna wind up?

Respectfully for O.W.N., Cassus Mentis, Cousinhump, WV.

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