Recovering Politicians In GAPAC Deserve Public Support, Sympathy

Recovering politicians finishing their terms of office or prison sentences because of what they did in office are being cruelly abandoned to fate, and it is time concerned Americans rallied behind the Give A Pol A Chance (GAPAC) movement.

GAPAC seeks to reach out to former politicians who admit to a Higher Power, usually the District Attorney, and help them get on the path to ordinary citizenship.

GAPAC workshops for example, deal with concepts that politicians new to the ordinary jobs Outside will find challenging, including Spending Only What You Earn, Working For Those Who Hire You, and A Full Day’s Work For A Full Day’s Pay.

Although membership in a GAPAC group has traditionally been anonymous to accommodate those used to living in a world of anonymous, sources, donors, accusers, sponsors and unindicted co-conspirators, some details of the GAPAC program have surfaced.

New members of GAPAC usually appear before their first group meeting and engage in the following ritual introduction:

New Member: Hi, my name’s well known, and this is on deep background.

Group: Hi on deep background!

Other meeting rituals include a reenactment of the original No 12-Step Program, in which any public project that would ordinarily be completed in 12 steps with nine of them contracted to your relatives is actually completed in three and under budget.

GAPAC realizes that its members are subject to a world of temptation and maintains hotlines where recovering politicians facing that temptation can find help both from GAPAC and affiliated groups:

· Recovering politicians who encounter mirrors and again find themselves falling hopelessly in love are encouraged to call 1-800-GET-UGLY, a GAPAC group that helps the overly self-esteemed cool down to room temperature, at least in public.

· Those recovering politicians who return to reality and discover multiple wives and/or mistresses, all of them unhappy, get a free copy of Paul Simon’s 1975 hit “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” and a copy of major bus company route systems by visiting the affiliated web site itwasonlyphysical.com.

· Campaign debt and other loans are still a burden to many, so loan counseling is available at whotostiffwithoutbecomingone.com, a firm with offices in New York, Chicago and Las Vegas that specializes in short-term loans and long-term payments, boasting on its website that it has “No Living Unhappy Customers.”

Other GAPAC efforts ease reentry into ordinary social life, offering seminars on Groping Those You Don’t Employ and Hitting On Those Who Now Hit Back.

In all, support for GAPAC efforts should be a priority for all Americans who value our traditional democracy and its wonderful institutions. GAPAC asks that instead of direct contributions, sympathizers contribute to the political campaigns of their choice.

“We think of it as seed money,” a GAPAC official confided. “No matter where they start, we know they’re ours eventually.”

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