Health-Reform Rumors Rebunked

Advocates and opponents of health care reform have spent so much time shooting down perfectly good rumors that a spirit of public service compels highlighting the ones they missed and the ones they only wounded.

As a bonus, a few rumors have been raised from the dead, a service not covered by any of the proposals now before the Congress of The United States, which just supports the argument for private health practice, where the patients may die but the bills live on.

The rumors:

· Pulling The Plug On Granny Death Panels aren’t part of any health reform proposal known to date, but just because Granny gets a pass doesn’t mean Grandpa should make long-term plans. Since men dies sooner than women, this could be an Obama administration ploy to generate Senior Sayonara Savings without even having to convene a panel.

· A National Medical Records Database will be supported by user contributions, but also available free to those who don’t mind their nude medical photos being posted on line, which will also be the fate of users behind on their voluntary contributions. Repeat offenders will have their photos e-mailed to their junior-high first loves.

· Health Reform Funding will include replacing almost-annual COLA (cost of living adjustment) Social Security benefit increases with annual ALOCs (arbitrary lasting obnoxious cuts), plus Medicare Part DOA, which reduces available benefits by ten percent for every year lived past median death ages.

· Public Health Insurance will be available to those unable or unwilling to participate in the nation’s private health insurance system. This will bring to poor people and illegal immigrants mostly the same health benefits now enjoyed by federal government employees, the only difference being the poor people and illegal immigrants will have to work.

· Increasing Taxes On The Wealthiest taxpayers to pay for health care reform will be a non-starter, since anyone can see the inequality in forcing a rich person to raise the portion of income they spend on health care from .001 percent to .002, while non-rich sluggards keep their health-care spending flat at 30 percent of income.

· Republican Health Care Reform Proposals will cater to their Red State base and include special genetic counseling services for brothers and sisters who are also each other’s cousins and aim to keep bloodlines pure.

· Abortion Funding in some Republican proposals would be limited to those pregnancies resulting from rape, incest or working for a Member of Congress. This is in marked contrast to liberal Democrat proposals to make the funds available to anyone screwed by the federal government.

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