Swami Yami Predicts

The end of August is the cruelest time, with nothing much happening now and lots looming a scant two weeks ahead.

Congress is in pursuit of what the House calls “District Work Period” and the Senate names “State Work Period,” most of which doesn’t seem to involve the District, State or Work.

Mainstream media have little to say but lots of time to fill saying it, which brings them to report that someone stole a Chihuahua wearing pink earrings from a gay bar in Florida. News reports didn’t explain whether it was news because the Chihuahua was wearing pink earrings, in a gay bar or about to become the SPCA Case of The Year.

So as a public service, I found and awakened Swami Yami, the noted seer of Summit, NJ, who doesn’t panhandle, but offers “mutually rewarding charitable experiences.” Ours involved a portrait of Andrew Jackson and an appreciation of Wild Irish Rose, but nonetheless, here are Swami Yami’s prediction for the rest of August and the first week of September.

PRESIDENT OBAMA will be photographed shirtless at least four times during his family’s stay at Martha’s Vineyard, prompting advisors to potential 2012 Republican candidate Mitt Romney to consider releasing a shot of Romney with an unbuttoned suit jacket.

HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI will threaten to be photographed shirtless four times unless conservative Democrats stop obstructing Health Care Reform.

THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER will reveal a group of United States Senators who are married, faithful to their wives, sober and hard at work for their constituents. Mainstream media will ignore an obvious hoax.

NEW JERSEY’S POLITICIANS will import ethics advisers from the ranks of paroled Illinois public officials, seeking to “increase public trust” according to one official, who also pointed out that as professionals, they needed to be aware of the latest techniques.

HEALTH CARE REFORM RUMORS will become even more bizarre, with some suggesting Republicans could actually endorse change not benefitting the wealthy, while a new study would show that although foreigners spend less and live longer than Americans, they feel guilty about it.

GOVERNMENT ENERGY POLICY will support replacing personal automobiles with runner-carried litters, thereby helping the environment, reducing dependence on foreign oil and making a serious dent in unemployment. Three Northeast Democratic Congressmen will not realize this is a joke and introduce an appropriate bill in mid-September.

ECONOMISTS WILL ANNOUNCE the end of the recession, the deepening of the recession and the unchanged recession, while also announcing the beginnings of recovery, a strong recovery and a continuing recovery. Persons who wonder who will benefit from these observations will be asked to check the unemployment rate among economists.

Asked if he had more predictions, Swami Yami asked if there were more Wild Irish Rose. Told that would be inflationary and that there’s no such thing as a free lunch, the Swami recommended a nearby dumpster in rebuttal and resumed his August doze.

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