They Frustrates Obama Officials

On Health Care, Other Fronts

WASHINGTON – Frustrated Obama administration officials have begun blaming lack of Health Care Reform progress on deliberate misinformation spread by the shadowy but powerful group They.

“They and its sister organizations exert a pervasive and evil influence in the public debate,” said a Justice Department spokesman queried about the group. He declined to add detail or to confirm a rumored impending probe.

Other senior administration officials would speak only on conditions of anonymity.

“You never know what They are going to do next,” complained one White House insider. “We announce funding for end-of-life care and counseling and it becomes “They said the administration is going to establish death panels.”

Another senior official complained “We are paying more of our economy for health and getting less than any other advanced nation, but every time that comes up, They howl that we’re proposing socialized medicine.”

Asked why an administration that has made a point of talking with adversaries hasn’t had a chat with They, the official exploded ”Chat? Chat with who? Who are They? We never get a name, a face or even an e-mail – all we know is that every time we propose something, we soon hear ‘They say it’s never going to fly.’”

Officials also blamed the mysterious They organization for persistent rumors that President Obama isn’t a naturally born American citizen and plans to confiscate all guns.

“It drives me nuts!” said one White House staffer. “I can be back home, sitting in the local bar and the guy next to me says ‘You know, they say that feller wasn’t even born in the USA, so how can he even have that job? And they say he’s gonna take our guns as soon as he can.’

“I can explain what a bunch of mindless crap that is over the next two drinks, but it always ends with the guy saying ‘Still, that’s what They say.’”

No Obama administration official discussed on or off the record rumors of an anti-They initiative to begin after the congressional summer recess. Still, informed sources said the program was in its final discussion stages and would use the tactics They use against it.

The working name is said to be “The Hell They Said” and it will be an effort to give an alternative to the “They say” conspiracy that now clouds debate on health reform, gun control, tax reform, foreign policy and other arenas.

One observer, not part of the Obama inner circle, but still well connected, was asked when the rollout might officially be announced.

“I’m not certain,” he said “but I hear mid-September is what They say.”

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