Thursday, April 29, 2010

Arizona Immigration Fuss Solved

Here’s a simple solution to the fuss about Arizona’s recently passed illegal immigration legislation – make Mexico take the state back.

It was once part of a dictator-run Mexico and making Mexico take it back would be justice and then some.

Concerns about Mexican nationals crossing into Arizona illegally would disappear. It is perfectly legal for Mexicans to move from one state to another.

True, there would be some concern about Arizonans who aren’t of Mexican or Hispanic heritage trying to cross the borders into California, Utah, Nevada, Colorado or New Mexico. But those states could just pass laws empowering police to demand identity papers of anyone who looked Arizonian.

While difficult to describe exactly, looking Arizonian would be enough for police in those states to demand identity papers.

It would be hard for Arizonians to complain. They’ve established a precedent.

As with any good idea, there are some possible glitches.

First, although it is settled and established that seceding from the United States doesn’t work, nothing in the Constitution says member states can’t evoke the Eeew! Yuck! powers not reserved to the federal government and give a member state the boot. We would be breaking new ground if the 49 other states decided that having defeated Hitler and Stalin once, we didn’t need to give their spirits a new foothold in Arizona.

Second, Mexico may not want Arizona. After all, citizens wander around with guns strapped to their bodies, Sheriff Joe Arpaio gets off on male prisoners wearing pink undies and the state has given us both Barry Goldwater and John McCain.

Goldwater taught us that extremism in defense of liberty is no vice. McCain taught us that extremism in service of getting elected is Sarah Palin, but doesn’t always work.

Still, it ought to be possible for the United States to pressure Mexico into accepting Arizona back into Estados Unidos Mexicanos. The drug cartels that actually run that country would be getting a huge new domestic market, plus shortening their cross-border delivery routes for a win-win.

If all else fails, we always have the option of keeping Arizona just as it is. After all, it contains our biggest desert, our biggest canyon and our biggest jerks.

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