Trump’s Secret Health Plan!
DOLDRUM Bucks Up, Meets Need!
WASHINGTON (LBS) -- The Republican ObamaCare-killing American Health Care Act is just a Trump administration negotiating ploy in a secret health plan to increase revenue and avoid service cuts, sources said today.
A review this week by the Congressional Budget Office said the House-passed AHCA plan would leave 23 million more Americans without health insurance and save $119 billion. It sparked widespread outrage.
“That’s the beauty of it!” said one of the secret plan’s main backers. “It greases palms for Project DOLDRUM!” (The source later asked to amend “greases palms” to “eases the way.”) A different source said the bait-and-switch plan was approved “at the highest level,” and will steer the outrage over AHCA into approval of the real plan, one that “builds on the strength of The President’s electorate.”
DOLDRUM, sources explained, is the acronym for a proposed Department of Licensed Discrimination Revenue Upside Management. The cabinet-level agency would be charged with generating significant new health plan revenues by countering anti-discrimination laws and social political correctness pressures that have riled Trump’s voters.
“It’s like gambling, or drugs,” said one of the plan’s architects. “It monetizes a basic need.” The department would issue $200 annual licenses allowing the bearer to discriminate on the basis of race, sex, creed, national origin or sexual orientation. “Look at the numbers!” the source said. “It’s gonna be huge! Bigly!”
Numbers used by the DOLDRUM working group show President Trump’s “overwhelming popular vote” to be 63 million and counting. If all those voters apply for a license, planners say, additional annual revenue would be $12.6 billion --easily exceeding the AHCA savings.
“Beyond that,” said a knowledgeable source, “more of those who backed The President would have healthcare and still be be around for the next election! It’s a win-win!”
Asked if those discriminated against by licensed racists, sexists and bigots might not seek relief, the source said “Of course! That’s the genius! They can get their own license and discriminate right back! It’s built-in growth!”
Although no one in the Trump administration was able to give an exact date for announcement of DOLDRUM, most sources expected it to be soon. “Everything is in place,” said one. “We’re just waiting for Kremlin approval.”
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