Thursday, January 26, 2017

Don’t blame President Trump for investigating massive voter fraud no others can see -- they lack his Vision, not to mention his Harvey.

His Vision is pretty clear:

I will be asking for a major investigation into VOTER FRAUD, including those registered to vote in two states, those who are illegal and.. . .even, those registered to vote who are dead (and many for a long time). Depending on results, we will strengthen up voting procedures!

His Harvey takes some explaining.

Naturally, President Trump’s Harvey, although never seen by others, is bigger than most  --six-feet-six, in fact.

And “Harvey” of course, is just the president’s charming pet name for his pooka, a spirit that can brings ups and downs. A shorter pooka named Harvey played the invisible rabbit friend of actor Jimmy Stewart in the 1950 film comedy “Harvey.”

As President Trump often says, he sees things others don't. His invisible rabbit Harvey is one of them.

President Trump’s Harvey listened this week as the new president repeatedly wondered in public how his massive election victory wound up around three million popular votes less than vanquished Hillary Clinton. He heard the president suggest fraud. And he watched the completely disrespectful Fake News Press demand proof and details -- trivial stuff  too  distracting to clutter the president’s Vision.

Harvey knew he had to act. He waited until evening when the president was enjoying quiet time with his mirror.

“Ahem!” Harvey said at a respectful distance.

“Absolutely right!” the president said. “I am looking good.”

“Sir, it’s about the popular vote,” Harvey said.

“Fraud”! Yuge fraud!” the president bellowed. “I was robbed and the Fake News Press refuses to believe it!”

“Yessir! I know!” Harvey said. “And I can tell you exactly how and who, Sir. It was Hillary Clinton’s pooka, Jenny. She voted against you three million times.”

President Trump scowled. “I knew that of course! Part of my Vision!”

“You’re absolutely right, Mr President,” Harvey agreed, “but if I may offer a suggestion, Sir, perhaps one of your senior staff could feed the real facts to those lazy scoundrels in the press room. Someone with a track record and credibility.”

“Just as I was about to day!” the president said, picking up a telephone.

“Yes Sir?” the White House operator asked.

”Get me Kellyanne Conway!” said the president.

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Sunday, January 22, 2017

A Great Gift To America
Trump White House Advisor Kellyanne Conway has given America a great and useful gift and we should be very pleased and thankful.

NBC’s Chuck Todd confronted Conway with Trump Press Secretary Sean Spicer opening his first press conference with a falsehood about inaugural crowd size. Conway responded "You're saying it's a falsehood. ... Sean Spicer, our press secretary, gave alternative facts to that.”

Alternative Facts. What a marvelous idea! It’s an outstanding example of the new approach this administration brings, and we’re all lucky they are willing --eager, even -- to share it with us. And we should take this guidance to heart and use it in our daily lives.

Alternative Facts are part of Make America Great Again, so here are examples of how true patriots can use them as part of the Great Movement:

  • When your spouse catches you doing the Bare Boogie with a neighbor, use an Alternative Fact to explain that it’s not adultery, it’s being neighborly.
  • If the IRS becomes skeptical about dependents named Wags, Jingle, Rover and Woofy, use an Alternative Fact to show you’re merely being species-inclusive.
  • Use an Alternative Fact to tell the Boss who complains about you being late that you’re really being extra early for tomorrow.

The potential for Alternative Facts is so vast it is difficult to believe, which is the idea. We can erase the federal debt  by calling it Tomorrow Helping Today. We can handle “Islamic terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the earth,” by bombing some sand and declaring terrorists deranged individuals acting alone.

Income inequality becomes bootstrap opportunity. Racial and sexual discrimination becomes returning to traditional values.  Voter interference becomes safeguarding our elections.

No need to go on and on. But every citizen now in an America Being Made Great Again should remember these and other gifts in their prayers.

And they should add “By the way, Lord, what did we do to deserve this?”
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