Boomers Become Pop(s)

Baby boomers who once drove America’s economy, defined its culture and ruled its politics don’t boom much anymore.

Oh, maybe an occasional pop, but that’s probably just a complaining back joint.

We’ve moved from “Don’t trust anyone over 30!” to “Don’t trust anyone under 30!” and now are heading towards “Sir, please count back from 30 by 3s.”

Our working memory isn’t measured in megabytes, but in inches of available space on the refrigerator door, where live the doctors’ appointments, pictures of grandchildren, grocery lists and anything that seems important to us.

Sometimes the importance of lists rises dramatically when we arrive at the grocery store and remember we forgot to take them. Sometimes not so much when we take the list and forget to go to the grocery store.

But some things still have their old allure. Travel, for instance. Not only do senior discounts make the airfare more affordable, but security concerns make it more enjoyable. When else is someone not a doctor going to pat our bottom or scope our bod?

And eating out remains a pleasure, again with substantial senior discounts.  After all, most of us bring our own first course in a little pill box.

Our music endures as well, although seeing the Rolling Stones totter through “Start Me Up!” or “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” has acquired a new poignancy. And it’s probably not the answer blowing in the wind when the crematory misadjusted its flue.

Our political leaders have been a mixed bag. Bill Clinton was a hands-on president – just ask Monica Lewinsky. George Bush was a hands-off president – just ask President Cheney. President Obama, meanwhile, isn’t part of the Boomers – he just follows behind that parade scoop and shovel in hand.

Still, given the chance, we’d do it all again – which is probably why the coming changes to health care address end-of-life issues.

The kids are worried that we might do it again!

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Fee, Fie, Flu, F*%$#!

Influenza is a great democratic leveler, since it visits all – except perhaps the denizens of our national security operation, who get all the symptoms but can’t connect the dots to call it flu.

Which should make me feel better, but doesn’t, even if a terribly earnest President Barack Obama was pushing the connect-the-dots theory this evening. He was trying to explain what he intends to do about a whacko with explosive underwear getting on a Detroit-bound airliner, unmolested by any except his fellow passengers who declined to die that day.

Seems we knew the guy was half a bubble off plumb – after all, his father had said so. And we even knew that his country of origin was chock full of folks whose dislike for us was decidedly explosive. Literally.

But that wasn’t cause for concern because we had a system in place, just like I had a flu shot in place. Well, neither the flu shot nor the system worked.

Now I’ll probably survive the flu, unless family tires of hearing me complain. And the United States will probably survive the failed terror attempt.

But neither event is proof against a new challenge. So here, without charge, some suggestions that might at least help the government’s terrorism effort”

·        Profile, profile, then profile some more. Pretty much all of us would rather have the government dealing with a dozen discrimination lawsuits than a few hundred bodies. Yes, we’ve all seen cartoons about patting down Granny while waving Abdul Al-Boom-Boom through security, but like all generalizations, it contains a kernel of truth. Kernels these days are explosive.

·         Whack back. Yemen, where the latest nut job boarded the plane, is run as a corrupt family enterprise and the rest of the country (and world) be damned.  We’re sending lots of aid to Yemen. That should be stopped. The thugs currently in charge may not understand human rights, but they understand bank balances just fine. And those who whine that fiscal revenge will cause us to lose influence in Arab countries should contemplate what kind of influence we might lose from countries whose citizens seem anxious to blow us up.

Of course, when I recover from the flu and stop being so cranky, I’ll probably stop saying things like this. And when the hubbub passes, the government will probably go back to the way things were.

And so will the terrorists. They hate us, they want us dead and they are determined to cause it. They at least have clear goals and flexible tactics focused on the objective.

Why don’t we?

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DAD Will Take Care of It

Reacting to an embarrassing string of security breaches including the attempted bombing of a Detroit-bound flight, the Obama administration today announced a new Cabinet-level Department of Advanced Denial (DAD), tasked with getting the administration’s excuses out in front of potentially embarrassing events.

President Obama announced the initiative Sunday at an impromptu press conference after the First Family’s last visit to sample the famous Hawaiian delicacy of shaved, flavored ice. The President took advantage of the venue as a Teachable Moment.

“Just as flavored, shaved ice is insubstantial, easily anticipated and fleeting, so will the new group of patriots at DAD be,” the president said while slurping a mocha-vanilla-chocolate-banana-cherry ice treat.

Although President Obama declined to answer repeated reporters’ queries about a possible head of the proposed department, informed sources who demanded that they not be identified on account of jobs being hard to come by said longtime administration confidant Laurentias Ignatius Edward Sills had the inside track. “LIES has been the go-to guy in many a tough situation and he’s widely considered to be ideal for this assignment,” said one source.

President Obama said the proposed DAD department would work to get plausible denials out in advance of any negative events, thereby reducing negative publicity from reporters demanding government responses. ”This is just part of our stated goals of being ahead of or on top of events,” the president told reporters. “That we’re going to screw up is obviously a given, but that we’ve had the foresight to create an agency to issue our denials in advance is something the American people can count on in the trying days ahead.”

Insiders who declined to be identified for this report said the DAD department would work to be in front of any potential demands for administration accountability by monitoring intelligence.

“Suppose the National Intelligence Estimate says the crazies are going to blow up the Washington Monument on Tuesday?” one insider explained.”DAD would be all over the airways on Monday explaining how the Obama administration had done everything humanly possible to protect our national monuments.”

Asked if it might not be easier to simply arrest any persons suspected of plotting attacks on the United States, the insider scoffed “that would be profiling, and that’s illegal—you know, like saying that Muslim extremists hate the United States and everything it stands for and have a decades-long track record of trying to harm all U.S. interests.”

Asked if that might not be generally true, the insider became quite agitated. “True! True! What’s all this with True? We’re talking government policy here, not True! That’s why the Department of Advanced Denial (DAD) will be so important in this administration’s efforts to get ahead of the reality curve.”

Asked to assess the administration progress so far on getting ahead of the reality curve, the insider relaxed a bit and confided “We’re winning – I gotta tell ‘ya, we’re winning.”

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