Monday, November 6, 2017



The two-word gun solution

Changing one word and adding another to the United States Constitution is a lasting solution to the gun control debate that sizzles any time gun violence is out of the ordinary enough for media and political attention

The changes are so simple and the long-term effects so profound that it’s astonishing they’ve not been proposed before. Here’s the one-word change to the Second Amendment:

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the duty of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

Congress and the courts could wrap that in all sorts of legal cellophane, but it’s really simple -- every citizen has a duty to own and carry  a lethal weapon. Now some will want broadswords or crossbows, and that is just diversity in a democracy, but most will want pistols and rifles.

The second change adds a word to the first section of the 26th amendment and is really just housekeeping for the first change:

“Section 1.
The right of armed citizens of the United States, who are eighteen years of age or older, to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of age.”

The simple meaning is that if you want to be a voting citizen of The United States, you must own and carry a weapon.  Some benefits of the change would be immediate.

Gun and ammunition sales would boom and that would bring jobs in manufacturing and supply industries. The NRA and other gun lobbyists would become irrelevant.

Law enforcement payrolls could be significantly reduced with simple public awareness campaigns --”See something? Shoot someone!”

Although as with any change, there would be some implementation expense, but some existing infrastructure could be repurposed. Weapons detectors at airports, polling places and government buildings could be used to make certain individuals were armed and to weed out slackers. Courts and legislatures would have to expand and tidy up existing Stand Your Ground laws.

The long-term benefits of the change would address current concerns about mental instability and violent crime growth. Mentally unstable folks unlawfully threatening their fellow citizens would be quickly dispatched, benefitting the gene pool. Violent criminals would meet similar fates with similar benefits.

Of course there would be some social adjustments. Does a gentleman shoot the purse snatcher for a lady, or does he support gender equality by assuming the lady is equally capable of shooting the purse snatcher herself? Would “show me yours/I’ll show mine” become mutual unholstering?

There are all sorts of details to be worked out over time, but this simple two-word constitutional change  does have the potential to settle the gun control issue immediately.

As events in Nevada and Texas recently show,  nothing tried so far has worked.


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Sunday, July 23, 2017

LooseyGoosey 7-22-2017 5-00-17 PM.jpg




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Loosey Goosey Ganderanimal-2029302_1280.png-001.jpg
Loosey Goosey Gander
Our guy Don
Went to bed with his Twitter on.
He snorted and snored
He shouted and bleated,
But through it all,
He faithfully tweeted!




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Voter Fraud CommissionVoteFixing.jpg

Voter Purges Are Coming
Courtesy of the Trumpsters.
If you're not white and old and male,
Your votes go in the dumpsters!



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The Smooching MoochMoochSmooch.jpg

"The Mooch" is good at kissing air
--and regions somewhat lower.
How low he'll go
We'll all soon know
When he gets Trump’s first glower.









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Lost & Found

Balls 7-22-2017 9-16-59 PM.png.jpgHooray for Sean Spicer !
And don't be aghast --
While it took him six months,
He found his balls at last!

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AntiDreamerRack 7-20-2017 1-55-34 PM.jpg

Dream Act Advice

If you punish kids
For what their parents do,
Then let's punish your parents
For having a kid like you!




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GOPLiver.jpgTrumpCare
The Republican Congress has a plan
They plan and plan as best they can,
But when it comes time to deliver,
All they offer is chopped liver!


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Trumpy Doodle Dandy
images.png-001.jpg
Trump and Putin
Went to Hamburg for a meeting phoney,
Faked a handshake on the stage
And called it Trumperoni!

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Media Relations



On CNN and cable news,
Sometime you screw
Sometime you're screwed,
But through it all
Don't come unglued!


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GOP Nature Lore


TrumpSharky 7-15-2017 1-00-57 PM.png.jpg
When Shark Awareness Day is here
It's the two-legged ones we have to fear!


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Yes, We Have A Banana?


Banana Republic's a charge
We level at President Blimp.
Half think he's the big banana,
Half think he's the big ninny chimp!



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The Mooch and The MogulMoochandMogul 7-23-2017 9-15-13 AM.gif

"The Mooch and the Mogul" went to sea
In a bigly pea-green boat,
They took some honeys,
And plenty of money,
Thanks to the Russian vote!









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Tuesday, July 11, 2017

The Wizard of Ooze!



NEW YORK (LBS) -- Reviews are mixed for Donald Trump Jr.’s opening role  as the Scarecrow in the Republican Party’s production of The Wizard of Ooze. Here are the lyrics to his big number “If I Only Had A Brain.” (See the number from The Wizard of Oz here.)


I colluded with the Russians
In discrete discussions
While hoping to cause pain

“Cause Dear Hill we’d be scratchin
While our plot was busy hatchin’
For our candidate so vain


As for scruples, I had little
It almost made me piddle
To think of all the gain

(With the thoughts you are thinkin’
You could get a five-year lease in
The feds best prison name!)

Oh I could dig up dirt from Moscow more
Than traitor scum had ever dug before
And then I’d try to dig some more

They don’t give this stuff for nothin’
Some purses I’d be stuffin’
But Hey --no pain no gain

But it would be awful pleasin’
To just try a little treason
To help Dad in the main

Then perhaps he’ll reward me
He will throw a few bills toward me
And I’ll collude again!

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Friday, June 30, 2017

MOSCOW (LBS) -- Russian  FSB (ФСБ) services are shaking their heads over the latest transmissions from the bugged White House shower head. Early Thursday morning (Washington time), recorders in Lubyanka  captured President Trump doing another Frank Sinatra ripoff in the shower, this time to Sinatra’s “Taking A Chance on Love.”

According to a transcript provided LBS by Deep Borscht, Trump was heard singing:


“Taking A Chance On Tweets”

Here I go again
I’m after Morning Joe again
All enraged again
Taking a chance on tweets

Here I slide again
Spurred by my raging pride again
Wild eyed again
Taking a chance on tweets

The Fake News offers a frame-up
I never slip by
Still I’m tweeting my name up
While my staff keeps asking “Why?”

This is ending soon
I’m getting looney as the moon,
Wrap-around sleeves are trending soon
Taking a chance on tweets.

Here I slip again
Another hateful quip again
I’ve lost my grip again
Taking a chance on tweets

Now I prove again
That I am quite unglued again
I’m unscrewed again
Taking a chance on tweets

I’m haunted by Mueller’s gumshoes
Each noting my lies
My private lawyer's discourse”
“You better kiss your ass goodbye.”

On that ball again
I'm riding for a fall again
I'm gonna give my all again
Taking a chance on tweets!

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MOSCOW (LBS) -- Russian  FSB (ФСБ) services are shaking their heads over the latest transmissions from the bugged White House shower head. Early Thursday morning (Washington time), recorders in Lubyanka  captured President Trump doing another Frank Sinatra ripoff in the shower, this time to Sinatra’s “Taking A Chance on Love.”
 
According to a transcript provided LBS by Deep Borscht, Trump was hear singing:


“Taking A Chance On Tweets”

Here I go again
I’m after Morning Joe again
All enraged again
Taking a chance on tweets

Here I slide again
Spurred by my raging pride again
Wild eyed again
Taking a chance on tweets

The Fake News offers a frame-up
I never slip by
Still I’m tweeting my name up
While my staff keeps asking “Why?”

This is ending soon
I’m getting looney as the moon,
Wrap-around sleeves are trending soon
Taking a chance on tweets.

Here I slip again
Another hateful quip again
I’ve lost my grip again
Taking a chance on tweets

Now I prove again
That I am quite unglued again
I’m unscrewed again
Taking a chance on tweets

I’m haunted by Mueller’s gumshoes
Each noting my lies
My private lawyer's discourse”
“You better kiss your ass goodbye.”

On that ball again
I'm riding for a fall again
I'm gonna give my all again
Taking a chance on tweets!

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Friday, June 16, 2017

Trump Sings Witch-Hunt!



MOSCOW (LBS) -- Barely informed sources say Russian  FSB (ФСБ) services are getting bizarre transmissions from the shower head in the living quarters of the American White House. The latest transmission seems to have President Trump singing new lyrics to Frank Sinatra’s “Witchcraft.”

Puzzled FSB analysts noted their files only have Trump tweeting like a bird, never singing like a canary. “And in shower not even golden?” puzzled one.

Asked for comment on the purported event, American intelligence officials would only say “Are you working for Robert Mueller?”

True to the principles of our motto (We’ve Decided, You Report), LBS offers the text of the transmission without further comment.


Witch-hunt


Fed probers in my hair
(And some get lost in there)
The TV gurus blare
It’s witch-hunt

And I've got no defense for it,
The heat is too intense for it,
What good would common sense for it do?


'Cause it's witch-hunt
Wicked witch-hunt
And although, I know, it's strictly taboo

When they arouse the need in me
My heart says yes indeed in me
I tweet and get myself deeper in goo!

My ego’s steady itch
Keeps rising in its pitch,
So tweeting’s all that I can do

'Cause it's witch-hunt
That crazy witch-hunt
And although, I know, it's strictly taboo

When they arouse the need in me
I tweet ‘cause I believe in me
In spite of all it’s leading me to

Impeachment’s such a bitch.
With tweets so evidence rich,
But tweeting’s just what I gotta do!

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