The Terrible Twos

Some Never Outgrow

Toddlers turning two enter a very negative time, where every word out of their mouth is No! until they learn to wail “I doan-wanna!” Parents keep their sanity by knowing that most children will outgrow this demand for negative control and that those who don’t will become Republicans.

There’s no other good way to explain the Republican Party’s stance on most of the day’s major issues. The only solace for distraught parents is that the number of Republicans – and their success at the polls – seems to be shrinking in opposite ratio to the volume of the “I doan-wanna!” cries coming from the Republican National Committee.

Perhaps with fewer and fewer sharing their One-No-Fits-All approach to policy, the party will eventually dry its tears, turn on Public Television and begin paying attention to sharing and caring lessons from Big Bird.

Until then we face these tantrums --

On Health Care: Americans pay the most for their health care and get results that are less than many other countries. Some say that paying more for less means we ought to have reform, and since almost all parts of the current system profit and have power except the patient, that reform must come from Washington. Republicans as represented by National Committee Chairman Michael Steele say that’s “socialism.” Perhaps, but paying more for health care and getting worse results than other countries is another kind of “ism.” It’s called Suckerism.

Economic Reform: Greed in all its largely unregulated forms dropped us into this swamp when the balloon we were told was lifting our blimp turned out to be a bubble blown by folks who made Gordon Gekko of the film Wall Street seem almost selfless. Efforts to combat those effects in the Stimulus Package and elsewhere are characterized on the RNC website as “Eroding Support For A Failed Economic Experiment.” Nostalgia for the days when the primary economic policy was “Take The Money And Run!” is understandable coming from those who took the money and ran. For those whose money was taken while government looked the other way, not so much.

Tax Reform: Republicans react with wounded-beast howls when the discussion turns to raising taxes for the very wealthy back to what they were before the Bush Administration lowered them. There’s a way to explain their position.

Suppose three men eat lunch together in a fancy restaurant. One has a salad and water, one orders Today’s Special and a soft drink and the last guy starts with shrimp cocktail and just chows down on Caesar salad , filet mignon and expensive wines. The bill comes.

If they split it equally, that’s socialism -- two of the three get a higher bill and the chowhound gets a lower bill, but all bills are equal, even if consumption wasn’t. If they divide the check according to who ordered what and split the tip accordingly, that’s progressive taxation – lots of tiresome counting, accounting and haggling, but a bill sort of related to consumption. If, on the other hand, the guy who ate so richly excuses himself to go to the bathroom and never comes back, that’s the Republican position on tax reform – it never fails to bring a tear to the eye, especially the eyes of those stuck with the bill.

Only time will tell whether or not Republicans can actually grow from toddler tantrums and into governing, but until something like that happens, voters in 2010’s elections can do the same thing most parents do with ornery toddlers – declare a time out until they are ready to behave.

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