Oh, to be Young

(And Republican)

Young Republicans watching their party lurch from ineptitude to irrelevance with occasional side trips to WhoopeeLand might be tempted by Depression.

Not the kind their party caused (again), but the psychological kind that comes when you can’t win for losing.

After all, there’s a charismatic and intelligent Democrat in the White House, the Congress is controlled by the Democrats, and “accuse,” “indict” and “prosecute” seem to be the words that pop up most in discussions of the last Republican administration.

All of which is solid proof that it is a very wonderful time indeed to be Young and Republican.

Consider:

Most political parties, especially the Republicans, operate on principles that would be instantly recognized by any 15^th-century courtier. All power in the party (or society) flows from the top down. There are three ways to acquire power – favor, inheritance or force.

Favor works best when a retiring leader bestows a warm smile on a selected successor and the opposition nominates a garden gnome. That worked just fine for George H.W. Bush when President Ronald Reagan (on whose name be praise) smiled upon George and the Democrats nominated Michael Dukakis of Massachusetts.

Inheritance works when you’ve put in your time for a very long time and it’s just your turn, which is how Robert Dole got to be the Republican nominee against Bill Clinton and won the opportunity to star in Viagra promotions. It also worked for John McCain, the poster boy for continued mainstreaming of Americans with cognitive issues. Hey, he even ran for president!

Force works when members of society can think as they wish but understand clearly that they’d damned well better vote your way or else. Richard Nixon was a master. So, on the other side, was Richard J. Daley of Chicago, the first one, not his kid. Dick Cheney spoke for himself and for George W, Bush, his lips as immobile as their minds.

If you are a young and ambitious Republican and see leaders with any of those three characteristics at the top of your party, then you might as well marry a Democrat and have some fun because there’s an airtight lid on your advancement.

But no – Oh, Good Golly! or whatever young Republicans in ecstasy exclaim – the top is empty today and the open road for advancing Republican principles and at last getting a share of the loot beckons ahead.

Just look at the current contenders.

Mitt Romney was shrink-wrapped at birth, just as soon as his mother checked that there were no wrinkles in his dark suit and that nary a hair was out of place. He is the current favorite of the AE (Almost Embalmed) wing of the Republican party and fills in his time giving shock speeches to the likes of the Heritage Foundation and National Rifle Association in which he slyly mentions that it is the 21^st Century so his audience may gasp in shocked dismay.

Mike Huckabee is a preacher who lost a lot of weight, plays a mean bass guitar and served as governor of Arkansas with no other serious offenses – or accomplishments. He speaks on the Fox News Channel, but Jesus forgave even Mary Magdalene for having to earn a living.

Sarah Palin, former vice presidential nominee and soon-to-be former governor of Alaska by resigning mid-term, followed her resignation announcement by going fishing. Informed sources said she yearned for the intellectual company of equals and spawning salmon filled the need. She appeals to the base of the Republican party that focuses on one issue at a time on account of they don’t hold with all that high-falutin’ countin’ stuff nohow, you betcha.

There you have it, Young Republicans -- the road to opportunity is wide open. Can you walk? Talk? Chew Gum? And all at the same time? You could become a Rising Republican Star. Your destiny awaits – heed its call!

###

Weekend Tids and Bits

The Sun Wasn’t All That Was Rising in Rising Sun, MD. last week where the AP reports cops pulled over a 41-year old guy for speeding to discover he couldn’t have been driving by the seat of his pants because he wasn’t wearing any. He was charged with going 69 miles per hour in a 50-mph zone. He lost his pants, he told the cop who wrapped him in a drunken driving charge.

--

Microsoft Binged Google and Google Announced A Windows-breaker as Microsoft’s Bing, an attempt to establish an alternative to Google as the Search Engine of Choice, rose to a 10 percent user share. Google blew a return kiss to Microsoft, whose Windows operating system dominates, by announcing an OS based on Google’s Chrome browser. The target is netbooks, cheap PCs aimed mostly at surfing the net on the fly, now mostly limited to Windows. Google hopes Chrome OS will be available in the back half of 2010. Microsoft hopes the Blue Screen of Death will sit upon Google. As for the search engines, give http://bing.com a look.

--

Piss On This Energy Idea – Please! Eric Bland reported for Discovery that scientists from Ohio University have developed an electrode that turns urine into hydrogen cheaply. Hydrogen hasn’t played a major part in transportation since that nasty business with the exploding dirigible Hindenburg, but this report says converting hydrogen on the fly, so to speak, gets around storage issues and could allow soldiers in the field to “carry their own fuel.” No word yet on plans for toilets that pay you or a move towards energy independence under a Piss On OPEC campaign.

--

Humans got swine flu from pigs and now they’re returning the favor says a Reuters piece on human-hog transmission of the H1N1 virus. Concerned authorities fear a virus that dates pigs and humans interchangeably could mutate in nasty ways. Look for major swine-flu vaccine campaigns before the fall onset of flu season, but bear in mind that ordinary flu routinely kills many, many more folk than have been reported victims of Porky’s Revenge.

--

Republican Sexual Sillies Roundup – South Carolina Governor Mark “Soul Mate” Sanford seems to be edging to forgiveness and moving on after disclosure of his affair with an Argentine woman. State funds don’t seem to have been involved, his party has censured him instead of telling him to resign, and his wife is willing to reconcile. Note to other Republicans lost in LibidoLand – Michael Jackson can only die once, so don’t count on getting a similar pass when the jig is up and your pants are down.

Meanwhile, Nevada’s Sen. John Ensign says his parent’s gave his mistress and her family $96,000 out of concern for their well-being. Ensign admitted an affair with Cindy Hampton, his long-time aide and family friend. Cindy also got more than $25,000 in “severance,” according to her husband, Doug Hampton, also a one-time Ensign aide. The senator is a conservative, so resist the temptation to ask him his position on the fight against AIDS

--

Too Much Club seems to have been the problem that got a Kent, Washington man 1 1/2 years in prison for using a six-iron on the head of a other golfer in a dispute over slow play. No word on whether the use of a pitching wedge might have resulted in a reduced sentence or probation.

--

Show And Tell got a lot more interesting for fifth graders in Elk Grove, CA, when their teacher inadvertently included a homemade x-rated sex tape in a DVD of “classroom memories” given to the kids and their families. Parents say she’s a good teacher who made an embarrassing mistake. School official are investigating.

Last Week’s Discussions:

n Alaska’s Gov. Go Go announced she’s Going, Going and soon Gone at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/07/gov.html

n Wonder what some are willing to write to make a buck? Get the lowdown on a reported Jackie/RFK affair turned into a book at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/07/summertime.html

n Another government conspiracy of silence as simple as 123456789 was unveiled at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/07/vast-conspiracy-uncovered-media-silence_08.html

n A World War III weapon was tested on the United States -- with some success – at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/07/world-war-iii-this-is-only-testso-far.html

n And Jacko and the news media were both DOA on June 25 at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/07/jacko-and-news-media-both-doa-on-june.html

Have a great weekend!

###

Weekend Tids and Bits

FLY INCIDENT STILL BUZZING -- It seems the fly unfortunate enough to fatally annoy the First Swatter in a CNBC interview isn’t an isolated incident. The New York Times reported last week that the Obama White House is infested with flies. Sources in the Agriculture Department who requested anonymity to remain employed suggest that any large concentration of manure is bound to be a fly magnet.

---

HARDLY AN EXPLOSIVE ISSUE -- The AP reports that a couple of lawsuits have been filed against propane gas companies who are accused of putting less than 20 pounds of propane in the tanks that fuel backyard grills. The explanation offered was that putting less propane in the tanks was a way to deal with last summer’s fuel costs. A quick backyard check here showed both fuel tanks from FerrellGas, one of the companies named in the suit, were clearly labeled as containing only 15 pounds of propane. The real damage is mostly to one aging Baby Boomer’s ego. The old guy had been congratulating himself that he could still handle a full 20-pound tank one-handed.

--

NOT HALF BAD --The Guardian reported that an analyst told Parliament that half of Britain’s local and regional newspapers could be shut down within the next five years. Revenue that’s already declined by half gets the blame. Mirroring their U.S. counterparts, newspaper executives whined about the recession and changes in technology. No word in the story of any MP expressing outrage or even interest.

--

NO BOYS ALLOWED – or wannabe Supreme Court Justices either it seems. Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor resigned from the Belizean Grove after Republican senators questioned her membership in the exclusive women-only group. While the Senate itself used to be a mostly all-male bastion, the current Senate has 17 females, four of whom are Republican. You know you’re in trouble when a Republican Senator has the high ground on diversity.

--

BRIDGING THE GENERATION GAP – Actually, maybe floating over it. Polls showing something like half of the adults in America would legalize pot. That lights up common ground between today’s college students and their aging Baby Boomer parents. Both groups tend to be for legalization, although there was concern about adolescent pot use, which would then join adolescent drinking, tobacco and sex on the list of things parents themselves did but now counsel against.

LAST WEEK’S DISCUSSIONS:

n Alaska’s Gov. Sarah Palin and Louisiana’s porn star Senator Wannabe Stormy Daniels could be a 2012 Republican Dream Ticket at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/06/gov.html

n The recession must be ending because the political But Birds now have the time for English-only nonsense at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/06/recession-must-be-ending-springtime-for.html

n The cross-border trade of guns and drugs between Mexico and the U.S. is blooming, so the Customs and Border Protection folk are going to get tough – on pocket knives at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/06/customs-and-border-protection-cutting.html

n Newspaper consultants are telling their nervous employers that the way to make money in a nation of nymphomaniacs is to open a brothel at http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/06/newspapers-and-nymphos-dying-newspapers.html

n Why do we need to know whether or not the employees of Brooksville, FL, are wearing underwear at work? See http://larryblaskosaid.blogspot.com/2009/06/internet-tower-of-babel-informed.html

Happy Fathers Day!

###

News Is Busting Out All over

Actually, not much, at least not much worth comment – and one of the joys of the web is that unlike newspapers or broadcasts that have to fill space whether or not anything interesting happened, blogs can call a ho-hum day when they see one. Tiny ripples of interesting stuff from Monday’s otherwise placid news waters:

Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor broke her ankle Monday morning at New York’s La Guardia airport as she boarded a plane to meet with senators in Washington. Conspiracy theorists were unable to connect any of the Republicans who have been sniping at Sotomayor’s nomination with the incident and most observers were content with the general observation that her ankle was not the part of Judge Sotomayor that Republicans wanted to see in a sling.

--

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin was buzzed in some corners for allegedly plagiarizing from Newt Gingrich in a speech she made in Anchorage. You know, the one in which she mustered all the dignity of her office and declared “screw political correctness.” Issue seems to turn on whether or not Governor Go Go credited Gingrich enough in her speech. A quick look at the newt.org website found no striking mention of the issue, perhaps reflecting obvious disbelief that anyone would actually want to plagiarize him. Palin, in the meantime, continues to be the focus of high policy debate, including a poll on The Huffington Post website that wonders what, if anything, Governor Palin had on top of her red-painted toenails at a Sunday appearance. Study the issues and contribute to democracy by making your choice at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/08/sarah-palins-toenails-wha_n_212863.html

--

The Beaver is Back, and we’re not talking the late 1950s/early 1960s TV show. The New York Times reports Tuesday that the critters once near extinction have become a dam nuisance – literally. Back from a 1900 population of 100,000 or so, they’re now somewhere between 10-15 million and build their ponds without bothering to get zoning or property permissions. They join a growing list of native critters that once hovered near extinction and now hang around suburban backyards, including deer, coyotes, bears, alligators and cougars.

###