Revealed: Obama Plot

To Bag August!

Obama administration officials remained silent today on an alleged plan to fund health care reform by eliminating the month of August.

Word of the supposed plot first surfaced in conservative internet chat rooms late Monday afternoon, after ObamaOffingOldFolks.net posted excerpts identified as from an internal White House task force memo.

Other conservative web sites soon followed with posts of their own. So-called Mainstream Media, aka Obama Cheerleading Group, ignored the startling revelations.

One posted excerpt said “August elimination would provide immediate across-the-board cost reductions on the order of 8.3 percent minimum, with far greater savings possible in some regions. Cooling costs, for example, would be greatly reduced by eliminating the month of traditional summer ‘Dog Days’ and moving from July right to a cooling September.”

Other posted segments spoke of possible stimulus to the economy if Back-To-School sales were to begin in mid-July, although conservative critics on the blogs were quick to point out that they already do.

Other excerpt postings revealed a very Machiavellian Obama ploy to make his health care scheme a success by artificially inflating life spans: “Immediate movement to an 11-month year would take the 840 months in the Biblical ‘three score and ten’ life span of 70 years and produce a new lifespan of 76.36 years, an improvement slightly over nine percent.”

Conservative bloggers howled that it was just another example of deficit spending that artificially increased a supply without increasing value.

The proposal had apparently been the object of internal Obama administration debate, since another posted excerpt observed that unless Social Security benefit collection ages were also raised, a “geezer bombshell” would hit “an already fragile system whose funds we still need to tap to run the gun confiscation program.”

Conservative broadcast commentators had nothing to say on the issue initially, although some blog posts hinted that CNN’s Lou Dobbs was considering investigating when – and where – the idea was born.

Possible GOP 2012 presidential contenders were also not addressing the issue directly.

Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin was reportedly huddled with advisors exploring the nuances of long division by 11, while former Arkansas governor turned TV pundit Mike Huckabee was said to be considering combination Prayer/Focus groups to seek the Lord’s guidance, or at least some crossover Democrats.

Washington buzzmills had advisers to former vice president Dick Cheney aghast that the no-August year would make their guy seem even older should he choose to make a 2012 resurrection bid, while Mitt Romney’s advocates said he was so distressed by the idea he almost unbuttoned his suit jacket in public.

While conservative outlets on the internet hummed with the startling revelations, liberal blogs were more relaxed, saying it was just another example of Obama Administration innovation and “thinking outside the box.”

“The private calendar industry has had a stranglehold for too long on the American people!” one liberal blogger posted, adding that a public-funded calendar would “provide needed competition and keep things Honest.”

That post was subsequently removed by the blog’s administrators who explained that civil political discourse forbade the use of the H-word.

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